Child Attachment And Its Impact On Adults

Attachment to children is the emotional and behavioral connection established in the early stages of the little ones’ lives, which will influence their future relationships. Like any other side, there must be a balance in terms of attachment.

Too much attachment, excessive pampering or overprotection can be as harmful to a child as the absence of hugs, affection or attention.

Attachment to children is a basic need

Attachment to children allows the little one’s brain to develop in a natural and healthy way. It establishes a certain dynamic associated with relationships and socializing with others.

If parents do not take into account the needs of their children or if they distance themselves from them (forming dysfunctional relationships), the little ones will not feel confident in their future relationships.

A sense of security in the first years of life is important to be able to form beneficial relationships and avoid emotional dependence. Therefore, we must not neglect this aspect. For example, when children are forced to separate from their parents when they are very young, that trauma will not be without impact.

In most cases, parents ignore their children because they feel that they are not aware of what is happening around them. Many of us subscribe to the misconception that a child cannot develop anxiety problems associated with personal interactions.

Types of attachment in children

1. Secure attachment

This type of attachment involves parents approaching their children and listening to their emotional needs. He does not ignore them, but shows affection and always tries to establish contact with them.

Making contact is not just about giving kisses and hugs. Sometimes young children do not respond positively to such gestures because they cannot stand them.

2. Anxious or ambivalent attachment

Anxious or ambivalent attachment is caused by parents who feel affection for their children, but do not know how to manifest it correctly. As a consequence, the contact is insufficient. Parents fail to empathize with their children. Basically, there is a certain distance between them.

In the case of anxious or ambivalent attachment, the parent has a negative attitude towards the child. He will often point out all the little one’s mistakes, but ignore his qualities. Thus, the child ends up having low self-esteem.

3. Anxious and avoidant attachment

The anxious and avoidant attachment consists in the clear rejection of the child by the parent.  The latter will adopt a negative behavior. Parents who cheat on their partners, are alcoholics and abusive, refuse to see their children or consider them burdens are the basis of this type of attachment.

Rejection of the child by the parent is common in this case, constituting a punishment. The little one will immediately understand that he is not loved, that he is seen as a “nuisance”. This will affect their relationships in the future, turning them into sources of disappointment.

4. Anxious and disorganized attachment

The last type of attachment we want to present to you involves the presence of abuse and manipulation within the family, especially between parents. The child is disoriented because his mother or father clings to him, but also manipulates him. The resulting relationship is based on fear and misunderstanding.

In the future, the child will become an adult who does not know what he wants from his relationships. He did not learn how to love. The need to manipulate and control will always accompany him.

As you can see, attachment to children is very important. It is often the cause of many problems that occur in the lives of adults. It is essential that the attachment between children and adults develops harmoniously. After all, this is the first social connection in every person’s life.

As mentioned earlier, balance is a key ingredient. Both excessive and insufficient contact can have a negative impact. The most serious consequence of unhealthy attachment is dependence on others, not only to gain affection, but also approval.

Many of us do not have a secure attachment as a child. But we must not be hopeless! Although frustrating and abusive childhood relationships have affected our development, we have the resources to improve our social lives.