Emotional Detachment: A Form Of Personal Integrity

Emotional detachment is a concept that appears in many books and articles about personal development and  spirituality. Sometimes we misunderstand certain terms or ideas. Emotional detachment does not mean “having nothing” or building relationships in which we do our best to avoid emotional attachment, which gives us security and well-being. Detachment has a much more intimate meaning. At the same time, it is essential for our mental and emotional balance.

Emotional detachment means avoiding those people and situations that are trying to take over us. We must be able to give of ourselves to those around us, in order to create harmonious and respectful relationships. These relationships should not be based on emotional addictions, victimization, or recurring remarks such as, “Without you I am nothing.”

We invite you to reflect on this topic.

Emotional attachment and detachment

The term “emotional detachment” has its roots in the Buddhist religion. However, in psychology and pedagogy there are notions of development through attachment and healthy attachment. These two concepts have a positive meaning. We can use them to build strong relationships, based on mutual respect.

Healthy attachment

In Buddhist philosophy, one of the main sources of suffering is attachment. However, the meaning of this term in this case does not correspond to that of personal development and interpersonal relationships.

Let’s see what this is about.

When they are born, people need to be around other human beings in order to survive and learn various things about the world in which they live.

• Development through healthy attachment involves parental care for children and meeting all their needs. The child is held close to give him a sense of security. Caresses, hugs and love are the key elements for the little one’s development.
• In emotional relationships based on a mature attachment, the two people give themselves to each other willingly, building a happy and respectful relationship.
• It is important to strengthen the bonds with the people we love and to whom we can develop a beneficial attachment that gives us security. It’s about people close to us, who we love and who love us.

When addiction, blackmail and the need to control the other person occur, the relationship is no longer healthy, but toxic.

Emotional detachment is a form of personal integrity

We will now look in more detail at the concept of “emotional detachment” to clarify certain issues. Emotional detachment does not mean giving up everything you have. Getting rid of everything and everything is not synonymous with being happy. 

The lack of certain essentials causes insecurity, fear and sadness. At the same time, addictions are a major source of suffering. These include activities that connect us to objects, people and places.

• It is not good to build our lives around a single individual. When our happiness depends on a person’s mood, whims, and attitudes, “something causes us suffering.”

• If we are so attached to our family that we do not dare to move elsewhere, “something is causing us suffering.”
• If we are tied to our place of work, for one reason or another, “something is causing us suffering.” The reasons are various. Maybe we want a better job, a higher salary or a higher social position.
• In all these situations, something causes us suffering. We forget to be happy.

Emotional detachment is a form of personal integrity, because it reminds us that happiness does not belong to everyone and that it does not consist in obtaining as many things as possible.

Happiness is born primarily in us. It allows us to feel fulfilled, free and mature.

How to “practice” emotional detachment in everyday life

• Accept the insecurity of things. When you set a goal, you do not put all your hopes and do not base all your happiness on achieving it.  It is important to learn something from this process and accept that nothing is certain.
• Do not base your happiness and well-being on the actions of others. It is a behavior that can cause us a lot of suffering, which is why it is necessary to avoid it.
• Make the decision to depend only on your own actions. Also learn to be receptive to other people’s spontaneous actions. But he did not expect anything from anyone.
• If you become overly concerned about what others are doing to you, you will be unhappy.
• Don’t confuse desires with needs.  I’m not the same. For example, I want to win the lottery because I need that money to solve my problems. It’s just a wish of mine.

• Insecure people are the ones who always cling to the people around them. I place a high value on objects because I feel that they satisfy their emotional needs.
• Defend your self-esteem. Take care of your personal needs with the certainty that you are a complete, fulfilled person. Remember that you are able not only to be happy, but also to make those around you happy.