You Didn’t Lose Him, He Lost You

Separations are easier to overcome if you look at the situation from another angle. When a certain individual leaves you, it means that he never appreciated you, so he lost you, not you.

In today’s article we want to talk to you not about physical losses, but about emotional ones. Specifically, about those events that turn our lives upside down. This type of relationship hurts us and causes us to question everything.

When you end a relationship (no matter what type), it is never easy to maintain a positive attitude so that you can grow personally. After a breakup, it is natural for self-esteem to plummet.

Many people end up blaming themselves for what happened. They are overwhelmed by negative thoughts and a self-destructive guilt. “I could have behaved differently.” “I don’t deserve to be loved.” “I didn’t really deserve it.”

One thing must be clear: in order to overcome the pain caused by an emotional loss, it is essential to control the thoughts that go through our minds. Remember that he lost you, not you.

You are your greatest enemy. Emotional losses such as breakups can turn us into our own torturers. This attitude is harmful. Read on to find out some simple and effective strategies for managing your emotions.

Breakups: what you lost, what you left behind and what will help you move forward

People are much more fragile than I suspect. In everyday life, we manage to give others the impression that we have everything under control. We even end up convincing ourselves. We deceive ourselves that we can do anything, that nothing can hurt us.

At certain moments, we manage to fool ourselves because we have strong connections with loved ones. True friends, close relatives and a happy couple make us feel strong, optimistic and so easy that we feel like we can fly.

But, from time to time, it is enough for only one link to break for the whole chain to fall apart. Suddenly, we are overwhelmed by negative emotions. We no longer know what to do, what to think or how to behave.

The foundation of our existence seems to have crumbled beneath us. We can’t help it. We constantly think about what we lost, about the separations we went through, about the one who abandoned us… and we fail to understand why.

He lost you, so don’t beg for love

First of all, we need to understand that all negative emotions, whether it is anger, despair, sadness or fear, play a role in the brain. They help us to perceive that we are in danger and to react appropriately.

• Negative emotions are instinctive.  They help us to be alert, to be ready to react.
• If it is obvious that a certain individual no longer loves you, nothing is more destructive than begging for a second chance.
• Breakups are painful. It is necessary to feel sad, to cry, to spend some time with your own thoughts.
• Later, you will begin to accept what happened to you and move on.

By focusing on what could have happened, you are only chronicling your feelings of despair. In this case, the breakups will overwhelm you.

He lost you, not the other way around

You didn’t lose anyone, but that person lost you. Looking at the situation this way, you are not showing egocentrism, but emotional strength. Remember:

• If someone did not comply with your wishes and dreams, if he or she does not understand your true value, if this person did not share your love and kindness, then he lost you, not you!
• In these circumstances, separations are not your fault.
• Do not allow shame and regret to overwhelm you. Don’t try to change to meet the other person’s expectations.

• Don’t give up on your identity and what makes you wonderful. If someone doesn’t like you, that’s his or her problem. If someone doesn’t understand you, that’s not a reason to bother.

Cultivate self-love and nurture your self-esteem. It does not destroy your wonderful qualities for the sake of which you have put so much effort only because another person has not been able to appreciate them or because he has not complied with the desires of his heart. This is the only way to overcome divisions.

He lost you – he doesn’t lose you either

It is a mistake to lose yourself. It is not healthy not to love yourself just because someone else distanced themselves from you when you wanted the opposite. Separations should not be able to destroy us.

• If you start not taking care of yourself or distancing yourself from your own soul, you will become a miserable prisoner.
• You will become the prisoner of that person who said NO to you, slammed the door in your nose and filled your soul with sadness.
• Close this chapter and end the cycle of suffering.
• Escape and rediscover yourself.
• You definitely want to feel good again and forget. But don’t try to find a replacement for the love you’ve lost.

At these times, it is best to set aside time to heal.  Remember what makes you happy. Pay attention to your dreams and find out what is really important to you.

What you lost no longer exists is a thing of the past. New joys and hopes await you in the future. Everything you want is already at your fingertips.

Image source: Stasia Burrington.

Main image source: wikiHow.com.